Gentle motherhood & raising children authentically with Ella

An interview with Ella, a conscious mother on how she views gentle motherhood and how she creates sacred space for her children to develop authentically with emotional intelligence and freedom to be themselves

In my series on motherhood I want to portray the diversity of the motherhood experience and what it means to be a mother now. I’m interested in telling stories through other mamas to give insight into their approach to motherhood, be it their struggles, triumphs, their deepest feelings, how they have evolved and grown, perhaps how they raise their children connected to nature and live with a light footprint or how they approach mothering consciously. 

I want to portray the essence of motherhood in every family’s unique language. There is value in opening a dialogue and worth in sharing perspectives, thoughts, fears and dreams and in allowing ourselves to honour our children's innate natures and supporting ourselves as mamas.

Today I’m sharing a story from my dear friend Ella who I met while at our antenatal class. She lives with her husband and children in Melbourne, Australia. - Charlotte

Ella and her wee boy, sharing her thoughts on how she raises her children with emotional intelligence, awareness and love of self and freedom

My goal as a Mother is to create an environment where our children can be exactly who they are. I imagine a world of happiness. Of adults who feel liberated and free to feel and explore without judgement and the entrapment of generational narratives. I imagine a world where emotional intelligence is of higher value than intellectual intelligence.  

I feel honoured to have the opportunity to be part of conversations and experiences with my children that will undoubtedly influence them. But I equally feel that if for any reason I was not here, they innately have everything they need within themselves to be their own guides. 

Our family’s philosophy is centred around the acceptance and love of everything and everyone. We strive to live authentically to each of our own individual spirits. We are 4 seperate beings intertwined in a unique relationship of family. We support each other but also allow each other growth and evolution of self.

I aim to be kind and empathetic as an example. I believe kids will mirror what they see, so if they see us as their parents being open and honest it creates a safe space for them to do so. I want my children to feel safe enough that they can accept all of their emotions and not feel “less than” or “not god enough” when they are having hard times. To know that every emotion is OK. And we accept every emotion. In doing this, kids will grow into self loving, self accepting happy people and that will only benefit evert aspect of the world and how we as humans live in it. I believe every single soul has something unique to offer the world that no other person has. I hope we raise our children to feel confident enough to be their authentic selves and in doing so, their authentic offering to the world will shine through.

For me the best way to raise a child with thoughtful and consciousness to the earth and culture is by being those things yourself. This will create a narrative that will form their subconscious mind, especially in their early years so I feel the best way to gently and purposefully raise a child this way is by living this way. In the way we speak, the subject of our conversation, in where we live, the clothes we wear, the way we spend our money, the places we travel, the goals we set and the food we eat. Living consciously in every day life will foster a deep respect for our environment.

Our family is full of spirit. We are curious of the world and are drawn to travelling and exploring new places. We are fiery, loud and happy! Our eldest is full of sass and energy. She is sensitive and aware of the world around her and feels deeply other peoples energy. In true Taurus fashion she is above all intensely loving and has a determination that will guide her throughout life. Her body is her powerhouse and everything she does comes from a physical sphere. She dances, runs, skips, hops and plays with her body to express her emotions. We love to dance, put on the music, turn it up loud and sing our hearts out. We love going on gratitude drives. Jumping in the car, turning the music on and looking at the world. The ocean, the plants, flowers, hills, people walking by, colours of the buildings, everything! We soak it all up and discuss different things we feel grateful for. Children see all the good the world has to offer and bring a lightness. I am excited to share the world with them and share experiencing the it with them.

Our youngest has awoken a part of my spirit that was in the shade. He is intensely affectionate and at a young age, has already developed a unique comedic personality that is playful and powerful. He has the contrast of soft and hard, gentle yet strong. The youngest in the family he is strong in his feelings and commands his presence to be known and understood. 

I’m hesitant to “teach” as my teaching come with my own biased perspective and unique set of experiences. I think the best way I can “teach” the children is by exposing them to the world as much as possible. Taking them to different countries, cultures and allowing them to experience different people, sounds, smells, foods, architecture. All of this exposure will give them unique, first hand experiences. I see my job is to create a safe relationship between myself and the kids that they can feel confident to go into life’s experiences with an open heart and an open mind. Being a global citizen is at the very heart of our family. We strongly believe in travelling the world and being part of many different communities, cultures and groups of people. I believe this expands ones thoughts, philosophies and understanding of people through the shared experience of being part of the world in a more vast sense. I love the quote “a globally minded world is a peaceful world” and I think there is no better way to foster this idea in the kids than by sharing the vast world with them. 

Breastfeeding is the single most intimate experience of my life. It is something that only yourself and your child share and from one child to another that experience changes. It can only happen once and it can never be repeated in exactly the same way. Having said that, I strongly believe that the single most important thing a baby needs is a Mother who is safe and happy. If for any reason a Mother cannot breasted then I feel extremely sad society would put shame or judgement on her for this. It is better a Mother is happy and mentally and physically safe and her baby will energetically feel this and thus bond to her with this energy. As opposed to a mother who feels guilt or sadness for not being able to breastfeed and then this effect her bond with the baby. 

When my children were born I went through 3 phases. The initial stage was of massive expansion. Expansion of love, of awareness, of empathy, of gratitude. The first stage was expansive in every way, shape and form. Then I went into a stage of feeling like I was experiencing a “loss of self”. I now know, this was me feeling society’s pressure to mother a certain way and be a certain way. Once I understood where this feeling was coming from I quickly moved back into expansion as I pushed away from outside pressures and made the conscious decision to mother the way that felt true and authentic to myself.

My daughter is growing up in a time where people are encouraging her to speak up, use her voice and chase her dreams. Live her truth and be unapologetic about that. The media is consistently showing stories of powerful women, making their own success and creating their own wealth. There are best selling books written especially for girls to read about strong, fearless women who went against the grain to follow their heart. People say comments like “girls can do anything” and “you are so beautiful and clever”. I hate this. As whilst my daughter has this experience my Son is exposed to a world where men are portrayed as aggressors. He sees and hears the encouragement of girls to chase their dreams and speak their truth. But why is this for “girls”. Is this not the right of every living being. No matter your gender. The intense focus on female empowerment directly disempowers my son. In no world do I expect my son to put someone else before him simply because of gender. He needs to know his dreams, truth and voice are of equal value and importance. I want him to hear people talk about men as “beautiful”, “intelligent”, “brave” and “fearless”. I don’t want these worlds held separately for girls to grow confidence at the risk of telling my son he is not these things. He is all of these things. And so is my daughter. I hope we can stop separating people based on gender and start celebrating people based on their own individual set of qualities that are unique to them.

I hope for the kids also to be financial abundant. The world has somehow turned financial wealth and freedom into a taboo subject that people often feel embarrassed, ashamed or selfish for wanting let alone achieving. We believe money is a beautiful and important part of life. It doesn’t “buy happiness” but it does provide choices. It gives you the opportunity to choose organic food, or to travel or to start work at 10am because you’ve spent the morning at a yoga class and playing with your kids. Money provides choices and it’s my belief choice are an incredibly important part of life.

I think a tantrum is a wonderful example and opportunity for growth. It is a very normal and necessary part of a child’s development and I believe it is how we as parents react to this behaviour that has the potential to harm a child. The tantrum is never a problem. In most instances we need to look within ourselves as to the cause of this behaviour and I find most of the time, we will find conflict within ourselves which our child is merely reacting to. Our reaction can be harmful if this is not done so in a conscious, accepting and loving manner. I believe if we want our children to accept their emotions we need to be the example of this. It is OK, to feel “negative” emotions. Frustration, sadness, disappointment, fear etc. These are very normal feelings every person experiences. When we show our child our emotions are accepted and we can move from a negative emotion to a positive emotion and be the example of this. We allow them the safety to do the same. I think the biggest injustice we can do for our kids is lead them to believe they are expected to be happy and positive all the time. This is simply setting them up to fail.

I don’t feel nervous about parenting at all. For me, the challenge is to break down narratives that have been passed consciously and unconsciously down that no longer serve our family. Philosophies and ideas that society perpetuate that no longer serve the global communities health, mental health and longevity of the planet.

I believe with every inch of my being that my 2 kids chose me as their mother and for that I feel extremely privileged. I, as an adult don’t need to be equal to anyone else and no one else needs to be equal to me. We all have our own needs, wants and dreams. It’s simply impossible to be equal as to be equal would mean to be the same. And having the expectation to be the same is unrealistic and unfair on everyone but especially a child. The idea around partnership suggests the kids need to “give me” something or “provide” something. This does not sit comfortably with me. Instead, I believe we need to be in respect with our children and in acceptance. This means, we accept their season of life and how this may differ to ours. We accept their season is not of greater value than ours and ours is not of greater value than theirs. They are simply different and in accepting this we create safety for everyone to be authentic to themselves. 

Ella shares her philosophy on gentle parenting as she raises her children with love and compassion